Sports

Let Me Rename Every Major D.C. Sports Team

Capital City Go-Go is the emblem-new, now not-but-debuted NBA G League affiliate of the Washington Wizards. (The G League is the modern-day name for the NBA’s minor league, formerly the NBA Development League. The “G” moniker makes greater feel in wordmark form, wherein the G is definitely lifted from corporate sponsor Gatorade.)

I don’t love the team, due to the fact there is no crew yet. But, stupid as this sounds, I love the advertising and marketing and branding exercising. Monumental Sports & Entertainment, if you want to run this crew (at the side of the Wizards, Mystics, Caps, et al.), has long gone out of its way to construct its complete campaign round matters truly vital to the District.

It’s uncommon which you examine quotes from a VP-level advertising brand boat and find your self-nodding along, but that’s wherein I observed myself during this rollout. The speaking factors have been focused on growing the profile of D.C.’s local go-move tune and the neighborhood that’s home to the crew’s drawing close arena and exercise facility. It’s brandspeak, of direction, but at the least, it’s brand speaks with a coronary heart and an area and an identity.

Even past the specific nearby delight triggers, I love a team call that appears like a unique noun—the Miami Heat or the Utah Jazz or the Chicago Fire. And I love a group’s respectable region being something aside from the real name of its town or country (despite the fact that the Golden State Warriors is the simplest different modern instance I can think about. Maybe the New England Patriots, in case you stretch, or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who are repping the frame of water.)

Which were given me considering the alternative main sports groups in town, and how all in their names need to exchange. The ones that aren’t derogatory are dull, and the derogatory one has no direct relevance to, well, something. So I’ve attempted to fix all of them.

If we’re inclined to set apart questions of offensiveness, the NBA group is without a doubt the worst of the bunch. Wizards have continually been a monotonous, anodyne name—the anti-Bullets. Abe Pollin had the best intentions inside the global in making that change but took it a bit to ways. The other finalists for the name at the time—Express, Stallions, Dragons, and, memorably, Sea Dogs—have been all better alternatives. Sea Dogs is stupid, but at least it’s stupid in a bizarre, incomprehensible manner. And Express has that singular noun sound that I’m chasing.

But I’m now not going with any of these. Instead, I’m compromising what I actually need to do, that’s pass again to Bullets, and combining it with the singular noun format. That gets rid of the shooting spree overtones and honors Pollin’s renaming desire while now not definitely chucking a certainly properly call. And in place of the accepted “Washington,” let’s go along with the particular community that the area disrupted and/or revitalized and/or sits in. The basketball crew should now be the Chinatown Bullet.

The hockey team isn’t almost so awful off, but they too could advantage from being a singular noun. (Everything might benefit from being a singular noun, even though it could force replica desks throughout the nation loopy.) So let’s make the Capitals the Capitol. And if we’re going to do this, I kinda love the hubris created through using the constructing’s complete call as your group name: The Washington Capitals essentially declare themselves America’s group (NHL edition) and come to be the U.S. Capitol. (Everyone will nevertheless name them the Caps anyway.)

The Nats are any other one wherein there’s nothing inherently incorrect with the call, it’s just now not as good as it needs to’ve been. When baseball was coming back to D.C., there was a robust push to call the team the Homestead Grays, reviving the call of a group from the Negro leagues that performed in D.C. That could’ve been a notable moniker, and I think we need to maintain Grays. (It’s now not singular, however, the atypical pluralizing of Gray has a comparable syntactic effect, as a minimum to me.) But the Homestead part cited Homestead, Pennsylvania, and we don’t need any of that. Let’s once more drill down to the community degree and get in touch with them the Navy Yard Grays.

Which brings us to the football crew. Their location name is simple, if dull: With roots in D.C., a stadium in Maryland, and training facilities and offices in Virginia, there’s definitely the most effective one opportunity. And their singular noun is simple, too: Forever mired and slowed down in turmoil, they’re glaringly going to be the DMV Swamp. (The fact that “DMV” also calls to mind the thoughts-crushing forms of the Department of Motor Vehicles is a bonus.)

See? Was that so hard? Now enforce those adjustments throughout 4 multi-million dollar agencies and our seasoned teams will sound almost as cool as our minor-league basketball squad that doesn’t even exist but.

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