To negotiate nicely, you need to recognize your counterpart’s aspect of the argument. Know what they want, understand what they will comply with and, if viable, realize it better than they do.To negotiate nicely, you need to recognize your counterpart’s aspect of the argument. Know what they want, understand what they will comply with and, if viable, realize it better than they do.
This isn’t easy, but Peter B. Stark and Jane Flaherty describe the stairs you may take to acquire and produce such an information of their recently revised e book, “The Only Negotiating Guide You’ll Ever Need: a hundred and one Ways to Win Every Time in Any Situation.”
Here’s what they endorse:
To obtain lots, be organized
“A negotiation is not an occasion, it’s far a system,” Stark and Flaherty write. “The side with the most and first-class records generally receives the higher outcome.”
You want to increase a thorough expertise of what your counterpart is searching out and thinking.
Deepak Malhotra: a Harvard Business School professor and expert on the artwork
CNBCDeepak Malhotra: a Harvard Business School professor and expert on the art of negotiation.Stark and Flaherty use the instance of a person shopping an automobile. They write that the buyer “has the opportunity to get competitive bids and records about the strengths and weaknesses of the vendor’s service or product.”
Unless you work in the vehicle commercial enterprise, you probably won’t know more about the auto you want than the provider. But if you put the effort in, you could at the least be extra organized than fellow customers and more prepared than the provider expects, they write.
If you do not, the provider will win, you will lose, and you’ll emerge as paying extra than you ought to.
‘Stop talking and listen’
“Stop speak me and pay attention,” write Stark and Flaherty. “The satisfactory negotiators are nearly constantly the best listeners.” And the excellent listeners pay attention interactively — clarifying and verifying, reflecting deeply on new information, forming considerate responses.
“Get to realize your counterpart,” they are saying. “Ask probing questions.”
Suzy Welch: This is the biggest mistake human beings make when negotiating revenue Suzy Welch: This is the most important mistake human beings make whilst negotiating profits “An empathetic person is aware and relates to the opposite person’s emotions,” they upload.
Empathetic listening allows you to realize the implicit goals beneath your counterpart’s phrases. You can infer what they want while not having them sincerely say it.
Give them what they need
What is perhaps one of the more sudden factors that Stark and Flaherty make is this: “The best outcome for almost all negotiations is win-win.”
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The pleasant negotiators discover an answer that lets them get what they want and satisfy their counterparts, too. “The needs and goals of both events are met so that they each stroll away with fantastic feeling — a willingness to negotiate with every different again.”
“Creating a win-lose situation is truly no longer the excellent business,” they say. “Almost all win-lose relationships become lose-lose over the years.”
And the excellent way to keep away from this is to understand exactly what your counterpart desires and realize it properly.
What IS assertive communication?
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognizes our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.
So why use help assertive tips wincommunication?
All of us use assertive behavior at times… quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behavior.
Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behavior. It enables us to swap old behavior patterns for a more positive approach to life. I’ve found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.
The advantages of assertive communication
There are many advantages of assertive communication, most notably these:
- It helps us feel good about ourselves and others
- It leads to the development of mutual respect with others
- It increases our self-esteem
- It helps us achieve our goals
- It minimizes hurting and alienating other people
- It reduces anxiety
- It protects us from being taken advantage of by others
- It enables us to make decisions and free choices in life
- It enables us to express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative
There are, of course, disadvantages…
Disadvantages of assertive communication
Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person’s rights means that you won’t always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.
What assertive communication is not…
Assertive communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It’s NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It’s definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it’s NOT being aggressive.
But it IS about choice
Four behavioral choices
There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ. These types are:
direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing
indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing
submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic
assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous
Characteristics of assertive communication
There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:
- eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
- body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
- gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
- voice: a level, the well-modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable and is not intimidating
- timing: use your judgment to maximize receptivity and impact
- content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say
The importance of “I” statements
Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using “I” statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behavior, identifies the effect of behavior, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.
Strong “I” statements have three specific elements:
- Tangible effect (consequence to you)
Example: “I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don’t like having to repeat information.”
Six techniques for assertive communication
There are six assertive techniques – let’s look at each of them in turn.
1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practicing how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use “I” statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behavior you wish to confront.
2. Repeated Assertion (the ‘broken record’): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting, and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You’ll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to ‘hype yourself up’ to deal with others.